The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made
the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and
"I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better
grades... somebody is going to get a spanking..."
was playing on his home course in Ireland. On the 15th hole he came
across a Leprechaun. As is the custom, the Leprechaun granted the golfer
one wish. "I want to be the world's greatest golfer," he said. "I can do
that," said the Leprechaun. "But it will reduce your sex life." The
golfer accepted the risk. He instantly became a fabulous golfer. He was
hitting 500-yard drives, getting holes in one on 450-yard par fours. He
was so good that when he entered the Master's everyone else dropped out.
A year goes by and he's back home playing the same course when he sees
the same Leprechaun. "How's it been?" asks the Leprechaun. "Great," says
the golfer and proceeds to tell him about the year. "And how's your sex
life?" asks the Leprechaun. "Not bad," says the golfer. "Two, three
times a month." "That's not bad?" asks the Leprechaun. The golfer
replied, "Hey, for a Catholic priest in a small parish that's not bad!"
A farmer is in Iowa during a flood. The river is overflowing,
with water surrounding the farmer's home up to his front
porch. As he is standing there, a boat comes up, and the man
in the boat calls, "Jump in and I'll take you to safety."
The farmer crosses his arms and says stubbornly, "Nope, I
put my trust in God."
The boat goes away. The water rises to the second floor.
Another boat comes up; the man in the boat says to the
farmer, who by now is in the second-story window, "Jump
in, I'll save you."
Again the farmer says, "Nope, I put my trust in God."
The boat goes away.
Now the water is up to the roof. As the farmer stands up
there hanging on to the chimney, a helicopter comes over
and a ladder drops down. The pilot yells down to the
farmer, "I'll save you, climb the ladder."
The farmer yells back, "Nope, I put my trust in God."
The helicopter goes away.
The water continues to rise, and sweeps the farmer off
The farmer goes to heaven. God sees him and says,
"What are you doing here?"
The farmer says, "I put my trust in you, but you let
God says, "What do you mean, let you down? Didn't I
send you two boats and a helicopter? What do you want?"
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